About three weeks ago, I got engaged.
Is this real life?
Maybe I should back up and tell you a little about Will. He’s my permanent boyfriend aka soon to be husband. He’s also my favorite person on the planet. Bold statement, I know. But I hope the person I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life with is my favorite. There are many reasons he’s my favorite but a few you should know. He continues to love me extravagantly. I think he’s hilarious (point of tears, can’t stop laughing hilarious). He’s also extremely thoughtful, kind, and intentional. He has chased me down while I remained clueless for a little too long. He’s also super attractive. Like, woah. Don’t worry, he has flaws and I have a lifetime to continue to learn those. His positive attributes far outweigh the negatives though.
He is my biggest fan.
He was not thwarted by the unknown answer in asking me out. He did not give up when I didn’t fully understand his intentions. He was not scared of the rather ridiculous chain of events in my life. He waded into the muddy waters. He did not confirm my fears. He did not reject me. He did not leave. He did not expect perfection. He willingly joined me in the mess. He did not run. He did not even turn around. Eventually, he decided to choose me to love above all others for the rest of his life.
I’m in love with him and all that he is.
“You complete me”. Jerry McGuire said it. We all wanted to hear it at some point. I used to think one person who was just right could make me whole. It’s a very romantic notion. I think that notion is a recipe for disaster though. In all circles there seems to be this popular idea that one person out there will complete us and make us happy the rest of our life.
That person does not exist. The expectation is unrealistic.
Expecting one person to complete me is too much for another to handle. We are all meant to love each other well. We are meant to fall in love. We are meant to laugh together. To cry together. To live life well together. We are not meant to complete each other.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of someone else’s unrealistic expectations (pretty much all of us have) it is infuriating. It is frustrating. It is often damaging and detrimental to the relationship.
There’s one thing I love most about Will. He does not complete me.
I do not need him.
Will is many things. He’s many things to me. He is my favorite. He is my partner. He is my chosen person. He’s mine forever.
He is my greatest love; hold one thing.
He cannot replace the One who has been present from my first moments to now and will be there beyond my last. The One who knew my steps before I took them. Who made me and claimed me before I knew my first words. Who knows me more deeply and intricately than anyone else ever can or will. The One who loves perfectly. The One who has walked every step of life alongside or carrying me.
I need Him.
Without Him, I am incomplete. I am unable to function. I am unable to love others, or myself, or life completely. I am allowed no grace, no forgiveness, no freedom without Him.
Will does not complete me, nor I him. I do not need him and he does not need me. But…
I want him.
He has, for some reason I still don’t quite understand, chosen me and I have chosen him. I could function and live life without him. But I don’ t want to. It would be much harder without him. It would be right near unbearable. But I would come out alive and okay. I have the gift of not having to live without him.
I get to choose him today, tomorrow, and everyday after.
The minute I look to Will for completion, he will fail. I’ll have failed for putting him in a place he was never meant to be. He will fail because he won’t be able to handle the impossible expectation. Sometimes, we may both fail in this way. It is then we get to run back to Jesus, our only completion.
Will makes me happy now. He’ll continue to make me happy in the future. There will be times he does not make me happy though.
Feelings are fickle. They come and they go. We’re not always happy and that’s okay. I cannot evaluate my relationship with Will based on my feelings. Yes, they are important. They should not be ignored. I will not always feel happy because of Will. I will not always feel in love. I will choose to love though.
I think the choice to love is so much more special.
When Will got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife I said “yes” without hesitation. I actually said “yes” twice. Because I do not want to spend the rest of my days with anyone else. Because I cannot wait to choose to love him for the rest of my life. I cannot wait to experience everything happy, sad, exciting, disappointing, day to day, and all that’s in between with him by my side.
I want my marriage rooted in friendship, love, and desire; not necessity.
I will still hold him to a high standard and he will hold me to the same. We will have to work. It will not always be easy. I have no doubt it will be rewarding though. It will be the greatest adventure we’ve been on yet.
“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19